I haven’t written in quite sometime. In fact, not since I was studying for the bar exam. Trust me, there’s been plenty to write about, but not so much courage to write on those things. I’m hoping to do a year-in-review series in December, though, so you can be updated on the last three months of my life then. 🙂

Speaking of the bar exam, I’d almost forgotten about it. With everything that has happened over the last couple months, the bar became the last thing on my mind.

Until October hit. Then every day the thought came over me–what if I find out today. I started searching online every day if there was any information on when exam results would be released. Even though the bar examiners said we wouldn’t hear back until November, I knew last year they’d released the results on October 13 (thank you Google). So when this week hit, my anxiety increased. All kinds of self-doubt crept in–what if I didn’t pass?

A few good friends kept me grounded. What’s the worst case scenario if you don’t pass? I have to study for it and take it again. But since you’ve studied for it once, won’t that make it a little easier this time? Yeah, I guess that’s true…

Today, I did my daily Google search. Yes, daily. I checked yesterday too. I Googled “michigan bar exam july 2011 results,” skimmed the page expecting to see the same results I did everyday. And I did–except for one that said ” the July 2011 Michigan Bar Exam results were mailed on Wednesday October 12, 2011.” My heart stopped. No, this is just a wiki-answers site. So I went to the Michigan Bar Examiners website only to find Breaking News–July 2011 Bar Exam Results. I held my breath, clicked the link, and it said that results were mailed to applicants on October 12 (yesterday) and would be posted online on October 17.

Then I thought…how long does it take for mail to get from Lansing to Southwest Michigan? I looked at the clock–the mail should have already come. I ran outside, in the misty drizzle, ran to the box, and sure enough, today’s mail.

I started grabbing letters out, panicking at the small size of everything I seemed to see. Until I saw the envelope at the bottom of the pile. Full sized! Good news? That’s what it usually was for people who got accepted into colleges, but does the bar work the same way. Wait, didn’t the bar examiners say they’d be sending paperwork to those who did not pass to retake the exam in February? That would need a big envelope too. Oh no…

I refrained myself from opening the envelope right there in the cul-de-sac and ran into the kitchen. My hands began to tremble as I thought what the contents might say. I finally sent up a quick prayer as I tore open the envelope–Lord, pass or fail You’re in control and I trust you–and I yanked out the letter.

I was such a mess I couldn’t even read it straight. Formula? Needed passing score 135. Yes, I remember that. Essay raw score–whoa no way! Combined score…wait, yes, that number is bigger than the passing score. Wait, I passed? I passed! I PASSED!

When I’d calmed down five minutes later, I realized I didn’t need to read the letter to find the results: the first line says “PASSED.” Haha, oh well.

Deep sighs of relief. Phone calls and text messages to family members and close friends. Did I mention relief? And elated happiness!

Now I know, that one can attend four weddings (including two plane trips), grapple with devastating disappointments, go on a couple of shopping excursions, move a third of the way across the country, and say good-bye to those you’ve been closest to for the past three years and still pass the bar.

But I wouldn’t recommend it, at least not unless you have much love and support from family members who bathe you in prayer, remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy, and hit the gym as often as possible and for long periods of time. Seriously, studying hard while keeping a balanced life and staying focused on God is the only formula that could have gotten me through this.

So now, to get sworn in and fill out the last paper work, and I’ll be a full-fledged, licensed lawyer! Woohoo! 🙂