Though never expressly announced on here, I imagine those who still come by this blog from time to time have figured out that Mo and I have welcomed a baby boy into our family in the last year. S.E. Prime (clearly not his real name) turned 9 months old last Wednesday, and the following day graduated from army style crawling to propelling himself forward on his hands and knees. We couldn’t be more proud and excited at his daily development.

But no matter how hard you look on here, Instagram, or Facebook, you will not see a photo of him with a belly sticker marking the milestone, or a video showing his latest accomplishment. In fact, we never even announced my pregnancy on social media. Between the two of us, Mo and I have only posted a handful of pictures of him online, and we have never shared his name on the internet.

As millennial parents, I know that we are in the minority by declining attempts at making our child a social media star. (Yes, he would be a star. Without any bias at all, I can confidently say we have the cutest baby in the world. Seriously!) As you may suspect, this has been an intentional decision on our part. Not to use social media as a showcase for our son’s daily developments.

Why did we make this decision? Three things really contributed to it, and they all center around the value of privacy.

Safety

Unfortunately we live in a world that is not always safe. I know I can’t hide him away from the world, but I want to do my best to keep SEP safe. Putting lots of information, like a child’s name, the town they live in, their birthday, the school they go to, etc., can make them easy to find for not so nice people looking for easy targets. Of the factors we considered in making our decision, this was the least of my concerns, but a concern nonetheless.

Sanctity

With the development of blogs, social media, live streaming, and reality TV, people are more and more comfortable with sharing increasingly intimate parts of their lives online, even if they are often staged or exaggerated for effect. As a pastor and the president of a ministry with wide recognition in our denomination, Mo’s position already opens our lives up to the public a little more than we would have otherwise chosen. It is important to us to carve out a space that is just our own as a family. The whole world does not need to know how many times SEP had a blowout diaper in November, even if those episodes stick crack me and Mo up. We appreciate that there are many who care for and about our family, but are deeply committed to creating a circle around our immediate family unit where our son can feel safe and know that what goes on at home is not going to end up in someone’s newsfeed the next day. Which brings me to point number three.

Self-Determination

Remember when social media was first gaining traction? I do. I was in college, and there were posters all over the dorm warning to be careful about what you post online, because future employers may see it one day. In the meantime, I have seen exactly how employers, nonprofits, and potential love interests use online information to make predeterminations before even meeting a person.

If I needed to be careful about what I posted about myself because of who may see it and how that may impact my future, what about when it is someone else’s future? Growing up, every kid feared friends finding the on-the-toilet pictures that every parent keeps. Now, every parent can post them online for the whole world to see, including, one day, that kid’s employers and significant others. Sure, maybe they will have compassion on the progeny of the generation who felt the need to document everything their offspring did, but I do not want to risk it for my kid.

I had the luxury of deciding what quotes, thoughts, photos, and videos to post and not post. And really this only became an option while I was in college, so I was a semi-adult making these decisions. I want my son to be able to have the same liberty. I want him to decide if he wants his baby pictures on the internet, or what he said. Will I continue to take pictures? Of course. Will I make notes, mental and actual, of important events? Absolutely. Will I keep a baby book? Yes, I’m still an historian, nostalgic, and believe in keepsakes. But I will not do anything that in some way may take away from my child’s autonomy before he can even figure out how to stand up on his own.

But what about family?

I do need to share one caveat. While we post almost nothing on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook about our son, we do use the app TinyBeans. Why? We do not live in the same town as any of our relatives, and want to be able to use technology for it’s positive side while trying to avoid the possible pitfalls. We love TinyBeans because it’s private (limited to only those we invite to see our album), secure, and easy for even my grandparents to use.

I don’t turn my nose up at others who do decided to document the daily happenings of their family life for the entire internet to see. That’s not my reason for sharing this. Instead, I wanted give encouragement to some who are wondering if this is the only way, that you can maintain your privacy and encourage your child’s autonomy even in this online, digital age.

What about you? Are you glad your childhood was not posted all over the internet? Or are you committed to sharing every day of your child’s life for the world to see? What decisions did you make in this area, are you considering making (if you don’t have children yet), or have you just kind of let happen? I’d love to hear your thoughts!